Remember Him As Great
Today started out like any other day. We had class and of course I was complaining like most people there. What none of us knew, however, was that within hours, even minutes, our lives would change by the next thing we heard on the intercom. The message started out with one of the secretaries saying they had an announcement. Then it cut off. They came back on, and you could hear people crying in the back. Next thing we knew, they said a student had commited suicide. This student was one of the best kids in this school. Immediately people started sobbing. His closest friends, luckily, had been called into the office before this to be told in person. I can only imagine the horror they faced at that moment. Unfortunately, though, one of his closest friends was overlooked. He heard about his best friend through an intercom. There is nothing to do when that is heard.
Chad has changed this school. Today the halls were full of people weeping for the loss of one of the smartest kids in the school. He was also considered one of the nicest. His shirts were always so funny. Never again will I, or anyone, see his great "I'm Hungary for Chad" shirt anymore. Today we lost a great person. In the blink of an eye we lost what could have been an amazing person. People come and they go, but Chad will never leave this school. He will live on through the people that knew him. I do not ask for sympethy, for I did not know him nearly as well as others. I just ask that people take a moment of silence and pray for this amazing person's parents and friends. Today we see what people are capable of. Today we see what effect we have on people. Today we see what the world can look like through the eyes of someone so seemingly cheerful. Today we lost a great person. Today, we learn...
Chad has changed this school. Today the halls were full of people weeping for the loss of one of the smartest kids in the school. He was also considered one of the nicest. His shirts were always so funny. Never again will I, or anyone, see his great "I'm Hungary for Chad" shirt anymore. Today we lost a great person. In the blink of an eye we lost what could have been an amazing person. People come and they go, but Chad will never leave this school. He will live on through the people that knew him. I do not ask for sympethy, for I did not know him nearly as well as others. I just ask that people take a moment of silence and pray for this amazing person's parents and friends. Today we see what people are capable of. Today we see what effect we have on people. Today we see what the world can look like through the eyes of someone so seemingly cheerful. Today we lost a great person. Today, we learn...
posted by TomHanrahan at 22:08
40 Comments:
Well said Tom, Well said.
I'm sure everyone impacted by him, and everyone who even knew him is just askin Why?
We may never know, but I will pray for his family, and his close friends. I was not a very close friend of Chad's but, from all of I knew of him, it was just........great.
I was a "Secret Nerd" and we used to talk Websites, and just see him in the halls or at HyVee and he'd give me weird looks that would make me laugh. He had that kind of Impact on people, where even If you weren't a close friend, he almost made feel that way.
If ever there was a boy who could make you feel something, it was Chad.
Hey it's Loni. Anyways. I'm so very sorry to hear about Chad. I honestly and truly do feel sorry for you. i've had 5 friends die in the last year and a half and i honestly can't say i come anywhere close to feeling what pain you and your friends are feeling right now. I really wish there was something to say or do to make the pain go away. But i can tell you this i'm here for each and every one of you if you need me.. i'm trying to let everyone know that.. Because i am a good listener. and i am a very caring person. but perhaps you might know that. So i'll leave my e-mail address incase you need anything. it's shrum_LMA@hotmail.com and you can e-mail me at that as well.. Take Care and please be safe.. One
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I agree to a point. Suicide is a cowardly way out, but Chad was NOT a coward.
You draw your own conclusions. I wrote an "act of cowardice."
You wrote "I agree to a point. Suicide is a cowardly way out, but Chad was NOT a coward."
If murder is a crime is it possible for the murderer to NOT be a criminal?
The Chad I met was a nice person. I enjoyed talking with him as I rented movies or checked out one thing or the other at Hy-Vee; very witty young man. However, all the wit and personality doesn't excuse his act of cowardice.
Hannah wrote: "If ever there was a boy who could make you feel something, it was Chad." - Other people make us feel things? No Hannah, you choose those feelings. Can someone make you love them? No. How can someone "make" you feel anything? You choose to react to comments, input or any other form of stimuli. Chad didn't make you feel something...you did. I hope you can come to terms with that as it will make this process we call life more palatable.
Chad was a narcissist. Don't confuse that concept with the idea of "being in love with oneself." Narcissists love the image they portray and feed off narcissistic supply which those around him/her abundantly and unknowingly provide.
Even in death people continue to feed the narcissism. "Chad will never leave this school." "...One of the smartest..." ...one of the nicest..." Mourn him, don't martyr him. He killed himself because he didn't care enough about the rest of you.
We must all face life and adapt as we need to. Where is the glory in taking your life so that others will talk about you? Where is the glory in escaping the challenges that life has offered or has yet to offer? Where is the glory in fearing yourself and life so much that you have to create a personality to live up to the expectations of others because you are afraid of what they might really think of you? Don’t remember him as great. Remember him as someone too afraid to face the world.
Tom, Very nicely written. I am proud of you and I'm sorry this had to happen. I guess all that we can do is pray for his family.
Dear Anonymous,
Who hurt you so bad, that you have to take your anger out on grieving people? Whatever they did, it doesn't make it right to hurt others. I'm sorry for you.
-Friend of Chad's
PS. Don't comment if you don't have anything nice to say you piece of s***
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My dearest darling anonymous "friend,"
You are nothing but a hypocrite. Yes, we do choose our own feelings, but without someone to stimulate a feeling, what else is there to start it? Everyone, in some way, shape, or form, is a narcissist. Everyone loves hearing about themselves in the news, likes seeing pictures of themselves on other people's websites, loves to talk about themselves, whether they really show it or not. It's just human nature. And please, should there be a next time (and I pray there isn't), have a little more dignity and respect. And I might add, you seem pretty afraid to face the world yourself, considering you didn't leave your name.
Well I did not hope for such controversy. To anonymous, I did not expect this. All I was doing was trying to express myself through writing. I was not as close to Chad as others. I considered him a friend, but I can say I did not know him extremely well. This doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. People are grieving the loss of a great person. We honor him through what he was not what he did. No one will say what he did was good. What I, and others, are trying to say is focus on the positive rather than negative. I deleted your first comment because I did not want to hurt Chad's real friends. But I shall leave this one for others to learn from your disrespectful and arrogant ways. But I ask that you please not post something like that again.
Whoever thinks that this was an act of cowardice has obviously never felt true hurt before. That's all I have to say about that.
Although it's not right to wish pain upon anyone else, I wish that this anonymous poster would try and understand other's point of view on this issue. Those of us who were close to Chad felt and still feel very strongly for him. That bullshit about it being nothing but us selecting our own feelings is bullshit. Yes, we chose to be friends with him. But those feelings that arose from our friendship? Those were true and honest feelings.
I feel sorry that this anonymous person is so callous to never have experienced true friendship and love.
This all amazes me. You guys are a close group and I know you loved
chad and will miss him. I am interested in what happened. Why? He seems like such a neat guy who had everything going for him. I have been reading all of your blogs for a while now and saw nothing that would indicate a problem. I have a thirteen year old son and worry that this could happen with him some day. Was there any sign? What should I be watching for? Pat
I didnt know Chad very well at all...but I do know that the grieving process takes time. I was VERY upset at what the "anonymous" said about Chad being a coward. Have you no feelings? Im praying for you (Anonymous), chads family, and the people who knew him. This is such a hard, sad, awful experience and im not sure how everyone can deal with this but i am sure that we need eachother and God....that means being sympathetic(Anonymous)
I just hope that all of you kids know that when you feel so bad and so without hope, there is help out there.
Chad had so much to live for and such a bright future. He was bright, witty, and easily could have had things turn around dramatically in his life-whatever it was that was troubling him so.
My prayers are with all who have been touched by this, particularly his parents whose lives will never again be the same.
Tom, you have clearly grown into a brilliant, wonderful young man. We are so proud of you!
God Bless You All....
I wasn't going to say anything at all to anyone, because I really, really feel like I'm intruding. however, Anonymous's comments ticked me off enough. Chad didn't know me unless it was as the-bell-choir-director's-daughter. What I knew of him was that he was one of my mother's favourite students. I was absolutely and positively floored when my mother asked me to read his website and told me why. I'm still terribly shocked because he had so much to live for. No matter how casually people knew him, his life affected them. He's now out of this world, and is not experiencing this with you all, but that doesn't mean his influence is gone from your life.
To Anonymous, let people remember him however they wish to. Certainly no one should glorify his choice and the way he died, but if you look around, no one is. He was a good person who had a lapse in judgement, and it's a tragic loss no matter what your personal opinion is of his choice. How childish of you to come here with the attitude that we should minimize the impact of his life simply because of the means of his death. There is no reason for such hostility, except to try to stir crap up. And if you feel we can't live without your insight, at least have the fucking balls to sign your name.
I apologise for this and delete this if you wish, but as I've stated, his life and his death reaches far and wide. People need time to grieve, especially his friends and acquaintances, and Anonymous' comments are just wholly inappropriate. There's a lot to be said for choosing your audience wisely - a skill Anonymous most certainly needs to learn.
hey,
That was written so good that i had tears in my eyes while reading it. I didnt know Chad like everyone else, but he always had that warm welcoming look on his face and ill never forget the good times at Hy-Vee as he was working and i'd rent movies, and talking bout tilly's old crappy computer that he fixed.
It seems that I have caused more pain by leaving this. If anyone has anything to say, say it within a day or two, for I will close this for comments very shortly. To all of those who read this and everything anonymous said, I apologize if it hurt you. He does not speak for anyone but himself. Please, I ask, do not take this to heart. He is a lost individual. Although put into good wording, he missed the point that all of us are making. That point being, remember Chad. Don't forget the great times he gave us all. Just try to honor and respect him in your own ways. To all of you who have read this without knowing Chad, he was truly amazing.
I must also make one last point that it has been brought to my attnetion that the entire community is reading my blog as well as others. I must please ask that you refrain from using vulgar language. This has been read by many young people as well as old. Some do not need to know some of this yet. So please, if you comment, keep it clean. Thank you to all of those who care and are trying to make this post mean what it iz supposed to.
When you post a blog, and allow comments. People are like that. I was like that.
People just enjoy controversy. The think I look at is, look at the different views this person has. They do bring up valid points, however I dont agree 100%, I am glad some other people posted negative things about him.
If everything seems so posative, we will never come to terms with how we really feel. I am glad that this person posted what they did, they need not be rejoiced, but need not be stricken down. Their views are skewed, but lets just accept what he said.
Not agree, just accept... Its hard to grasp. Be cordial. This person just wants a rise out of you, thats all.
*end the parental peter*
Alright, first off a little words of wisdom to the anonymous person everyone dislikes(including me). There is no need to be some sort of psychoanalyst on this site in front of everyone. All your type does is bring people down more and try to create more problems in others lives. Even the group of "experts" that came to school just caused more harm. It really set me off when everyone was cool with going to the baptist youth room, but psychoanal people butted in and shot that idea down just because they "know it all." Hmm, really how much can a book teach you about people? A youth pastor or minister would be far better to go to seeing as they know the students around here and can give real help.
As for my opinion on this tradgedy...I can honestly say I don't know Chad nearly as well as everyone else did. I pray for his family and close friends every day now. From the few times I got to talk to Chad...he always brightened my day and had some sort of positive impact on my life, and I'm assuming everyone elses. He was such a great guy. Very easy to get along with. I really wish I could have gotten to know him like his close friends do. I'll keep on praying for everyone out there to receive comfort from the Lord. May God's love and mercy be with you all.
Tom - You haven't caused anyone pain by posting your thoughts.
Typing your thoughts on a weblog is no different than standing at a grave site and saying something to those who are being buried.
You, as well as the other people that knew Chad are going through a greiving process that is incredibly difficult. I lost a friend that was younger than Chad when I was a teen. Its a tough thing to deal with.
Just remember Chad as you knew him.
And, to the Anonymous Coward. How 'bout you come on over to my house some time and we'll have a little chat. And when I say chat, what I really mean is acquainting my fists with your face.
I dont know any of you. i dont go to your school. But i have known Chad for the last year and a half. We spoke alot on the and i got to know him pretty good. I will miss our talks and help with just stuff. I wanted to post after reading the anonymous posting but waited. I htought abuot what that person wrote. They are kinda right. I think they could have said it a little easier but the point is there. I hate hearing things that make me think of the things i do that i dont like. My brother killed himself and i know how it feels to wonder. I also know how it feels to hate people for telling me how screwed up it all is. But they are right, my brother didnt care about us as much as himself and it didnt matter you he hurt, especially us. He took the cowards way out.
What freaks me out when i read through this blog is the girl with the exacto knife. You guys are all laying into the anonymous person and overlooking other people that need some attention. I dont know you either hanah but we talked about you too. I read some of your other stuff about the principal and all. Wow, you really should talk to someone. Tom what you had to say was heartfelt. It is good to want to remember him. I think it is easier to remeber the good things than think about the stupid stuff. If i dont think about the stupid stuff then i wont learn anything. Like tom said, today we learn.
Tom,
Please don't feel like you caused more pain-this is just an overall painful thing. Obviously this is something people need right now, to get out their feelings and to read others' comments.
You said it yourself "I must also make one last point that it has been brought to my attnetion that the entire community is reading my blog as well as others." You are correct, not only your community, but even those outside the community who have some ties to Humboldt. What you have here is very good, as I said before I am very proud of you.
God Bless.....
To the moderator of this blog;
If you are going to remove posts whcih contain common sense comments, perhaps you should remove those posts which threaten people.
This site has gone around our school (Barringer High School) since last night. We are shocked that people from the midwest are so vicious.
Reading In Newark,
I dont see but two posts on here that are even close to vicious. I have gone through each one individually and checked. You have a group of kids mourning and trying to understand the death of a good friend ;and then you have someone who apparently did not even know this kid make disparraging generalizations about a kid that comitted suicide. I think these kids have shown a lot of self control thus far. Yes, Hannah and Curt may have gone overboard, but understand that Hannah was Chad's Prom Date a week earlier. I think NJ needs to show a little sympathy. Pat
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Dear Newark Readers,
I apologize for deleting your previous comment. I felt that the person you were addressing did not need further attacks. You can rest assured that I have gotten rid of her comment. If your fellow classmates are reading this, then I apologize if you think we are all vicious. This blog is a sanctuary for people to go and express themselves. Unfortunately wrong words are chosen at times. This only expresses what they feel through a horrible situation such as this. No one praises any of these comments. They let them be so that the person can face their problem their own way. I welcome all comments as long as they are positive to all who read this. Anonymous will be allowed to stay because he has made some points that cause thought. Pete and I were talking about this. To conclude, I did not previously delete anything that did not need deleting. There have been many comments that did nothing other than attack us. Please, however, feel free to say what you wish. If the Newark reader has more to say then it can be said as long as it is in a polite manner.
I might get lynched for this but...
Although most of you probably don't know me anymore, I'd like to say I'm sorry for your loss.
I knew Chad years ago and have since then had a couple sporatic conversations with him about pants and other great things. He never seemed the kind of kid to do something such as he did.
I really wish I could say something heartfelt or something nice about Chad, but its been forever since I've seen him.
So I'm just going to say this: The longer you greive, the longer it will take to get back to your life.
Chad was a great person, but he was human and he did not wish to live, it happens every day. As much as I liked Chad, I feel little sympathy for him as it was his decision.
Anyways- all the best.
It amazes me how much he impacted everyone's life at high school. Althought I wasn't the best of friends with chad, he was still a great friend to me. He was there to hear me complain and make a joke out of it. He seemed to have a way to make me smile. I will never forget his laugh or the way his voice echoed. I miss chad. I miss how life seemed somewhat simple. Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. People die everyday. And it is sad. But it's life. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
Tom, I'm glad you wrote this. Just to read all the comments and see what how much people will always remember him.
-beth
Anonymous:
I cannot believe you have the nerve to post such vicious things about Chad as you had done earlier. You have since retracted your stance on Chad being a "coward" somewhat, but I don't possibly know how you can judge Chad's decision since you have obviously never been in his situation.
I, myself, have never wanted to commit suicide, or even had a thought about it. However, I know that suicidal people feel a deep despair that none of us can possibly understand. No matter how many friends they had (in Chad's case, too many to count), no matter how good of grades they got, no matter how well loved they were, it doesn't matter. They just can't be happy. That's what I know.
So you cannot possibly judge Chad. He was so remarkalbe, and will truly be missed. What I saw on Monday afternoon, I will never forget. Kids that barely knew Chad, that had never hung out with Chad, were in a huge circle, praying for Chad, crying together, and trying to make sense of what happened. I don't know if that would have happened for many other people in our school.
So, Anonymous, before you go judging a great friend like Chad, you need to walk a few miles in his shoes. Then talk.
From a Dad!
I work very closely with Chad's dad. I was shocked when Lee got the call and have felt heartsick all week. I cannot believe anyone could be as heartless as the anonymous person who left the post about Chad. Everyone should remember " But for the grace of God there go I". How does anyone know what was going on in Chad's mind. The facts are that 90% of suicides are the result of lower than normal Seratonin in the brain. This is what controls our mood. If there was something wrong here it will show up on the autopsy. Chad can not be blamed for this act if there was a hidden depression due to a chemical imbalance.
I have been an outsider looking in at the messages on this blog for the last couple of days since word of Chad’s death spread and I have to admit the last anonymous is the first one that really hit the target. It sends chills down my spine to see people put Chad on a pedestal, not because he wasn’t a great person and had so much going for him (which it appears he did) but that other teens out there that might be contemplating suicide see how he is now immortalized which might make their decision easier to do the same. Maybe not in your community, but for the countless others that happen across this message board across the internet. You're lucky Zach T. that suicide has never crossed your mind, but I would go so far as to say you’re the exception and not the rule. Most adults I encounter say they have at a minimum considered suicide (especially in their teen years), but luckily the will to live was stronger than the desire to die and they go to lead productive, happy lives.
I don’t think the message was meant to be “vicious” but rather factual. Chad was not taken from this earth in a car accident or a victim of a crime, but rather died at his own doing. Sympathy should be reserved for the family who will now have to spend the rest of their lives wondering what they could have done to change the circumstances of the unfortunate events of the past week. Chad chose to take his life and succeeded, why would there be sympathy for him? It does not appear he lived a tortured life but rather had the usual disagreements with his parents as do almost every teen out there.
Only if Chad could have realized that things do get better as life moves forward, especially for talented kids such as himself. His options were endless and situations do change for the better eventually. If there is anyone out there reading these messages and you do feel like suicide is the only option, please find help NOW! Things are never so bad that taking your own life is the only way out. If you have a friend who you think may feel the same way, ask them point blank “are you considering suicide” you would be amazed that if they are, that they will admit it.
Emotions are high right now so seeing viewpoints of others is difficult at best. I have known people that have chosen to take their own lives and the devastating effects this has on the parents and family. While others outside the immediate family have the luxury of moving on and eventually have the memory fade, they are affected forever. I recommend instead of focusing on the loss of a friend that made this decision on his own, you pray for the family to find peace as they try to cope with the torture they will feel forever.
God bless everyone. Be strong.
Bob
Have you ever felt like you were sinking into a black hole and nothing you tried helped take away the constant mental pain. You didn't tell anyone because they would think less of you. You thought you might be going crazy and who could you really talk to. Each minute of your life seemed like an eternity, thoughts and images raced through your mind. Things you use to love to do were of no interest now. All you could do was try to get away from the mental pain. If only it was a physical pain maybe you could take something. Sleep helped because when you are sleeping at least you are not thinking about how bad things are. The irony is no one around you really sees your pain. They are focussed on what they have to get done. Even your best friends can't get into your mind and don't know what is going on.
I don't know if this is what was going on in Chad's mind. Many of his friends did not think anything was wrong. But really, do any of us know that much about each other. We spend so much time on the surface. If anyone reading this has ever felt the emotions described above please seek help. Most suicides could be prevented if people realized they are not alone in their disturbed thoughts. There is hope!
A friend
Sorry about your loss.
I commented on Chad's blog just once, but I read quite often. He was a very intelligent, very clever kid. I heard about his suicide from his friend Zach's mother.
Chad's friends and family are in my prayers.
~A Tribute to Chad~
I saw him in a moonbeam,
I think.
And caught in lightning bug tails
That carve trails
Through humid mid-summer evenings.
Jumping in the crackled leaves,
And dancing in the candle
Hidden in the carved pumpkins
That illuminate Autumn sidewalks.
He whispered exclamations
As he glided from whispy clouds,
Riding the dazzling snowflakes
That collide with upturned eyelids
In the frosty Winter twilights.
Watch him now, paddling
Down the veins of leaves
Attached to branches that have
Exploded into Springtime foliage.
He never stops jumping, dancing, gliding, exploding.
Illuminating.
He lives on through everything.
You will be missed.
Yeah, Newark, and e-one,you can kiss it. I apologise for nothing to no one except Tom, cuz if ur eyes are that fragile, maybe you should look away. See how you cope w/losing someone who has been ur just about everything and then have people disrespect it all. It doesn't matter how he died, he's still gone all the same.
suicide isnt fair to anyone thats why its so hard.
I was one of the close friends of chad. you may know me as ben or the hick. I don't belive that the school was even close to geting the right people into the "room" i was left out along with many. there were many of the wrong sort in the room to. I wish i could say i will be impacted most but there is no way that this is true.... we all have been hit hard by this.
once at work a week after this incident, i just wrote a poem... not one of those ryhming poes, just a true image of what i was feeling. Chad had left a large hole and it will never be filled. any way you probably want to see it
Come grim Hades,
Ease my pain with the antidote of sweet death.
For i have not cherished my life as i have the life of my fallen friend.
Scary stuff when you just let the pen flow. i am getting grips on my self but still break down often. i am not ashmed to admit it because these tears i cry are for the best friend i have everhad. you may think me to be stupid but i am who i am.
I dont want simpathy just a random hug .... no "i know how you feel" or "How are you doing" just a hug once in a while. if you didn't know chad , dont fake your sympathies if it aint true all for now
ben
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